Emma Noble on challenges of raising her son with autism

Caroline Crowe

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The three little words "I love you" mean a lot to most of us. But it was FOUR words that melted Emma Noble's heart.

Her son Harry, who is autistic, had often told her he loved her.

But it wasn't until he said: "I feel 'love you' " that she dared to believe he truly understood what those words meant.

Harry, now nine, was diagnosed with autism not long before his third birthday.

At that point he wasn't speaking or making any eye contact and showed very little interest in others, including Emma.

The model and actress says: "Years ago the worst thing for me was the thought that my child would never look into my eyes and say, 'I love you, Mummy'.

"For the last couple of years Harry has been very loving but on this occasion a few months ago I was getting him ready for bed and he said, 'Mummy, when I look at you my chest hurts and my eyes get wet'.

"I asked him what he meant and if he was upset but he said, 'I don't think I'm upset, no'. I asked him what he was thinking when he looked at me and he said, 'I'm thinking that I love you so much. Is that emotional? I think I feel love you, Mummy'.

"For an autistic child to be able to articulate that in such an amazing way was one of those heart-flip moments.

"He'd been saying 'I love you' for years but to actually know that he is feeling it and it's not a learned response is quite something."

For 39-year-old Emma - who appeared in Crossroads and Jonathan Creek - triumphs like this are the result of years of hard work and determination to get the very best education and support for her son.
Obstacles

It has been a struggle that left her questioning systems in place for children with autism and the people who care for them.

She says: "I get a lot of letters from parents asking me where they can go for help and unfortunately I'm in the same position as they are. It's so hard to get information.

"The things you would think you'd just get automatically, like advice on schools in the area, just aren't available. Most of the parents I talk to are just scratching around, looking on the internet.

"None of the procedures relating to special needs are in any way straightforward. It's full of obstacles and feels like you have to have trained as a lawyer to negotiate any of it." The official figure for the number of children with autism in the UK is one in 100. But a study by the head of Cambridge University's Autism Research Centre, Professor Simon Baron-Cohen, last year estimated it could be closer to one in 64 if you take into account those who have not been diagnosed.

Emma says: "That's a huge number of children who are within our mainstream education system.

"We need to recognise that these children are very valuable and could go on to be very important members of our society and give them the chance to be able to have a happy and productive school life and go on to get jobs."

In 2003, Emma split from Harry's dad James - son of ex-Tory Premier John Major - and began a fight to get Harry a statement of special educational needs when he started school. She says: "When Harry was four, it became my full-time job.

"We eventually got the full statement which entitles him to the maximum one-to-one support from a teaching assistant, but I have to tell you it's one of the hardest and most heartbreaking things I've ever done.

"You never think as a parent that you will have to write down and emphasise all the most negative things about your child. I remember those nights at my computer, filling in forms.

"It is very isolating."

Having battled to ensure Harry got the targeted help he needed at primary school, Emma is now facing the challenge of finding him a secondary school place. According to the National Autistic Society, it is at this transition stage that many children need the support that is currently not forthcoming.

Full story from the Sun here