Autism and God sharing the same house

Brian Field

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“Children should be seen and not heard,” goes the old axiom. Though we’re in the 21st century, that same mindset is unfortunately frequently the case when it comes to houses of worship and children with autism.

Sitting quietly for the duration of a service may be virtually impossible for some; with outbursts, uncontrollable movement, discomfort with music that may be performed. And when such episodes occur, members of a congregation can look upon the parents with scorn. “What kind of a parent is that?” rather than looking upon the child and family with empathy and understanding. Such families then feel that they aren’t welcome. Mary Beth Walsh, an adjunct professor of theology at Caldwell College and the mother of a boy with autism, notes that 36 percent of families with typically developing children have a “strong affiliation” with their faith community. For those families with children with autism, that number drops to 19 percent. It is ironic that such reactions occur in places of worship, places designed to facilitate understanding and unconditional acceptance.

What does it take to change these kinds of reactions? It is twofold. First, it is the responsibility of the rabbi, priest or pastor to lead by example. Rather than ignore such parishioners, invite their participation and remove the unspoken ultimatum of “control and keep your kid quiet or leave the building.” Walsh recounts an example where during a crowded bar mitzvah, a friend’s family began to leave the ceremony due to their autistic daughter’s noise. Upon seeing them readying to leave, the rabbi spoke to them from the bema, saying “All the voices here are the voice of God.” Acceptance and acknowledgment from our spiritual leaders is a powerful example.

But some of those leaders may not be so “open,” or even aware, and need their eyes to be opened. This is the second part of the equation which must come from the parishioner, to speak with that priest, rabbi or minister, letting him know the family’s challenges and spiritual needs.

With the interplay of these efforts we can work to bring greater inclusion into our houses of worship.