Asperger's: a mother's story

Mary

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My son in 35. As he grew up we had no idea that there was a condition called Aspergers, to explain our son's difference and social problems. He was always a bit withdrawn and struggled socially and was intensely bullied at High School but didn't tell us anything about it. We learnt about it many years latter. What we discovered was that he could not learn by listening, but had to see things in order to understand. We withdrew him from mainstream schooling and sent him to a very small private school where he managed to pass his college certificates by studying correspondence lessons in school.

Imagine our amazement when he finished school and suddenly discovered he was passionate about music. He enrolled in correspondence school music and passed grades 1-8 in one year playing classical guitar with audio tapes and written lessons. The following year he passed grades 1-7 in theory, all the while practising classical guitar for 5 hours a day. He worked part time with a friend at his youth camp, painting beautiful murals on walls.

The third year he continued to practised for 5 hours a day and was accepted into a conservatorium of music. He passed the first year only because he already knew everything that was being taught from his studies at home.

Sadly he then spent 12 years addicted to marijuana! A flat-mate in his first flat upon leaving home persuaded him that it was a natural herb and totally harmless. Sadly, it affected him severely and there were many accompanying problems.

Then at 33 he enrolled in a Jazz School, and continued his studies, graduating at 34 with 93% for his research assignment.

By this time he had become totally engrossed in the Egyptian Oud and Middle Eastern Music.He was totally self-taught by watching players on the Internet and listening to CDs and using printed musical scores. He became a world class player, but didn't realize this until we sent him on a tour of Egypt, Syria, Jordan and Turkey, where he amazed us by connecting with world class players that he knew about through the internet. The rest of the tour party stayed together in the evening, while our son took himself off to meet up with these players, as arranged by email, or through connections known to the tour guides.

He returned with his confidence vastly increased, and has now embarked on his Honours degree and will go on to get his doctorate.
Whilst he continues to struggle socially, he has become secure within the smallish communities in the music department. His tutors have asked him for lessons! They also ask him to play with them at performances. He is getting more and more requests to accompany other musicians, and if now confident enough to play solos. He dresses in the Middle Eastern clothes he purchased on his trip, and just sits and plays, in his own world.

I hope this can encourage other parents that when an Aspergers child finds his/her niche, they are likely to excel at it.

Mary, New Zealand